How Unschooling Teaches Kids Success in Life

If you’re reading this post in the first place, you probably have some idea of what unschooling is. If you do, you might be intrigued and excited about it- or, maybe you are feeling skeptical of its merits.

For those who have no clue what any of this means, educator John Holt first developed the concept in the 1970s- a philosophy of child-led or self-directed learning. Over time, “unschooling” became the term used to describe this style of learning in the homeschool world. It is seen by some parents as a solution to the rigid ideas of a prescribed, structured education. We all know the standard school format is classrooms grouped by age, teaching subjects grouped by grade level. Unschooling is about as far from that idea as it gets. And it is gaining popularity.

Tell Me More about Unschooling!

In unschooling, learning is done through play, projects, social interaction, and family and household responsibilities. A child’s teachers can be parents, mentors, and even other children. Travel, internships, volunteering, and pursuing hobbies and interests are seen as ways to build knowledge and practical skills. Understandably, the concept can feel foreign compared to traditional schooling. Some parents express feelings of uneasiness about the possible outcomes of this learning style.

So, how do these concepts actually work in the real world? Critics of this learning style say the cons include lack of structure and discipline, and that children are not responsible or mature enough yet to know what is best for them. And proponents say kids learn best when they are having fun and using their natural curiosity, rather than being told what and when to study. Let’s take a closer look at each argument.

Won’t Unschooling Set Kids Up for Unrealistic Expectations?

The overarching argument against unschooling is that the unstructured and free-spirited nature of independent learning will lead to undisciplined kids. And these kids then grow up unprepared for the reality of the adult world. In that world, rules and structure abide, and the following problems may be faced:

College does not allow students to pick their own courses and require classwork that is sometimes uninteresting to the learner.
Employers expect employees to follow the business’ priorities, not their own.
Years spent on activities like playing, socializing, and games will mean time wasted that could have been spent on more important practical skills
There are no formal assessments, grade levels, or metrics to measure students against to make sure they are “on track”
Kids who are used to “calling the shots” do not learn to respect input from others who hold more authority or have more experience

Unschooling Helps Kids Learn How to Learn

Those of us who have arrived at the conclusion that unschooling is the right learning fit have first and foremost put trust in their children’s autonomy as individual human beings. As a parent to 5 kids, I can tell you from the toddler years each one of my kids has had very clearly different preferences for play. This carries on into the elementary years and then beyond, as differences in interests and skills emerge.

In unschooling, these differences are respected and cultivated. The core belief in unschooling is that pursuing curiosity teaches kids how to learn. They experience failure, figure out workarounds, think outside the box and learn where to go for solutions and help. This is in contrast to the traditional school environment.

“…the anxiety children feel at constantly being tested, their fear of failure, punishment, and disgrace, severely reduces their ability both to perceive and to remember, and drives them away from the material being studied into strategies for fooling teachers into thinking they know what they really don’t know.”
John holt

No Boring, Repetitive Learning That Feels Meaningless

How many of us remember learning just enough in school by rote memorization to pass a test? Is this true learning? Unschooling says no. In contrast, unschooling does the following:

Allows kids to learn by doing. This means that they become better problem solvers and guide their own knowledge base. A child who is interested in engineering, for example, will pursue projects that require he first learn math skills. And he will be motivated to learn those skills rather than required to.
Provides the opportunity for children to learn materials and develop talents they would not be exposed to in one-size-fits-all educational settings
Creates opportunities for children to be mentored by adults, older children, and even peers. This is a more “real world” scenario- how many of us live and work in a community where everyone is the same age and exact same skill set? It also teaches interpersonal skills and collaboration.
Teaches children to advocate for their own needs, not just do what someone else decides is the best course. They are able think critically and to see problems and solutions without direction from other people. This is a leadership trait valued in many settings.

But How Will I Know if My Kids are at Grade Level??

This is the biggest concern often voiced when parents first begin homeschooling, much less unschooling. Often, the tendency is to structure homeschool just like the grade level based school system. I have lived both sides of this coin. My oldest was in a formal public school setting for 2 years. At the same time, he was diagnosed with learning differences including dyslexia. He struggled with reading “at grade level.” He was, in fact, quite bright. His verbal IQ was incredibly high but he was not ready to read. The traditional school structure said he “should be.” I watched him internalize his struggle to read as a sign that he was “dumb.” Anxiety about school performance led to resistance to assigned work and physical symptoms such as a tic, exhaustion, and after school meltdowns when he was home and could finally stop trying hard to do things he couldn’t do.

Fast forward two years. I had pulled him out of school to homeschool him. I ultimately followed my gut and took an unschooling approach. We took a whole year off of him reading altogether. He was definitely not “at grade level.” Instead, I read stories. I kept books around that were interesting to him. And one summer, I discovered that he was reading Harry Potter. On his own. With enthusiasm!

The Evolution of an Independent Learner

This is not to say his dyslexia was magically gone or that he didn’t struggle. But free to explore on his own, and with personal interest in reading, he discovered that audiobooks were easier to comprehend. He found that he could use computer apps that read text to help him more easily digest information that he wanted to learn. These are the same modifications that students often need special plans (such as IEPs) for in a school setting.

He went on after that first year reading independently to test several grades above grade level in reading. (Our state requires annual testing for homeschoolers.) And his first semester in college he had a 3.7 GPA. So by unschooling metrics he was a successful reader (he read in his own time and with passion), and by traditional metrics he was also ultimately a successful reader. This is the same as toddlers learning to walk: some walk at 9 months, and some suddenly pick it up at 16 months. But unless there is a physical difficulty, all toddlers eventually walk and nobody can tell the difference when they start kindergarten.

Unschooling is Adaptable to the Whole Family

Ultimately, unschooling is a flexible model of learning. Not only can each child pursue knowledge in a way that fits them, but parents can also allow some flexibility in their roles. My husband and I have different skill sets ourselves! So I don’t have to be really good at art (I’m not!) but when he’s available, he can guide their art projects. When my oldest took an interest in computers and neither of us could advance his skills, my dad (who is a software developer) had a chance to mentor him for a semester. We have also used classes (both online and in person) to allow them to focus on interests.

There are so many ways to pick up new things that many unschooling parents express surprise at what their kids have learned! (If you’re curious about more, check out my blog post “Ready, Set: Start Unschooling!“) And, the endless time allowed to focus on a skill means that beautiful things happen, like my 16 year old’s love of stop-motion animation turning into a years-long passion for filmmaking that he now wants to translate into a college major.

As more families turn away from the traditional school model and explore options that better meet their children’s needs, many will certainly find that unschooling is not as extreme as it sounds. It is simply a different and holistic approach to learning, growing, and finding their true path in life.